Vulnerability - My Scary Spot

June First changed my life as I knew it.  It was the day that husband informed me of his indiscretions (yes, plural).  Drop to your knees heartbreak kind of news.  A shot to the ego, heart, mind, and being.  I knew something was up but what he told me was not exactly what I expected. I'm not going to get into the details of the situation, as those are for us. I will say this, I immediately hired a lawyer (an AMAZING woman who leads with all her heart). I filed for divorce, surrounded myself with my tribe, hired a therapist, and read every blog about infidelity I could get my hands on.  Through the months, I had to break down barriers that I was comfortable with, my armor - so to speak. I had to face shame head on, and learn that forgiveness does not equate to erasing what happened, but it can lead to reconciliation. I'm writing as a part of my therapy and to give others hope.  My learning curve includes the following:

1)  Facing pain can help you grow; however, it hurts real bad at the time.

2)  That particular pain depletes, but can come back when  you least expect it.

3)  Other hearts break along with yours: children, parents, friends, family.

4)  Hiring a therapist that "keeps it real" can be a gut punch you least expect - but may include a life        lesson that you need.

5)  A strong trust tribe is imperative in order to release, keep in mind they may also provide feedback
     that may be hard to hear. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.

6)  Communication is key - everything must be laid out there in order for rebuilding to occur, this is
     something I struggle with but am working on.

7)  Both partners must contribute 100% in order for things to move forward - work in progress
     always and in all ways.

8)  A weekend marriage retreat does work if you both are in it to win it. Include some hikes, red              wine, and a kooky hippy therapist if you can.

9)  A marriage behind closed doors is not the one that the world sees.  It is best to refrain from
     judgment.

10)  My faith is growing in this process, I need to continue to turn toward it versus run away.

11)  I have not always been the best wife, but that is NOT an excuse for my partner's poor choices.            That being said, I need to work on being a better half and giving it all within my soul.  A daily            work.

12)  My man has to work on himself as well.  I will support that work and be open to his learning.

13)  Listening and comprehending all that is put in front of me with an open heart, learning to take it           in without trying to solve or resolve.

14)  Living without my best friend would be a heck of a lot harder than running head on to a painful          situation and growing from it.

15)  Some are going to judge me for staying, my skin needs to become thick and I need to speak the           truth of my heart.

16)  Truth can be spoken softly without those harsh edges of sarcasm (my hiding place).

17)  I have my man's back.

18)  I just finished an amazing book that taught me that "Happy Middles" are a way better way than              "Happily Ever Afters"  - In the middle we learn from past mistakes and always have that future            to grow in.

19)  Forgiveness is the path to letting go.

I believe there is so much more I have learned, but this is a great starting place.  My hope is that some of the lessons that have been learned will help another that is feeling some pain and shame.  Running toward those feelings help in re-birth.  Running away creates barriers and resentment that hardens the heart.

Flowers not weeds.   XoXo ~  Steph

Photo Credit - Jennie Davis Photography